Frivolous Post

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When I was 6yrs old, the position for “flower girl” opened up when my uncle and aunty were planning their wedding. As my sister and I were their only nieces, it was only natural that we were to fill that position.

What wasn’t natural, was that my grandmother decided that we should have permed hair to carry out the duty.

Of course there’s no happy ending to that one. VERY bad perm on my stubbon hair = VERY bad perm for VERY long time. (I envied my sister so much cos her hair was thinner, softer and the aunty curls washed right off in less than a week!)

It was life scarring.

Which is why I have never permed my hair after that. But 30 years is a long time to hold a grudge, so I thought that I should try a perm to celebrate the world not ending. 

What do you know – I actually like it (nice?)

Okay, so it’s quite a wuss perm since only the ends got any but hey – i was scarred remember? I can’t perm my hair to the roots if my contingency plan was to cut it all off if it didn’t work out =p

And now, the curls don’t look like they’re going to hold. $198 for 2 weeks of curls is really expensive. Wondering if I should go back for a re-perm (will they do it for free??), or if that is too harmful for my hair. Hm. How?

Well, I did warn you that it’s a frivolous post. If you’re in a frivolous mood and have some advice, please send some on twitter ok?

The Carrot, The Egg and The Coffee Bean

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“A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ‘ Tell me what you see.’

‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, ‘What does it mean, mother?’

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after
sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they  had changed the water.

‘Which are you?’ she asked her daughter. ‘When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this:  Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the
heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a
financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavour. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

It’s quite morbid to think about one’s own funeral, but I’d like it to be a celebration of my life instead of everyone around me crying. I otherwise agree with the rest of the article – I WANNA BE A COFFEE BEAN!

A Beautiful Note from Author Unknown

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I walk along holding your 2-year-old hand, basking in the glow of our magical relationship. Suddenly I feel a kick from within, as if to remind me that our time alone is limited. And I wonder: how could I ever love another child as I love you?

Then he is born, and I watch you. I watch the pain you feel at having to share me as you’ve never shared me before.

I hear you telling me in your own way, “Please love only me”.. And I hear myself telling you in mine, “I can’t”, knowing, in fact, that I never can again.
You cry. I cry with you. I almost see our new baby as an intruder on the precious relationship we once shared. A relationship we can never quite have again.

But then, barely noticing, I find myself attached to that new being, and feeling almost guilty. I’m afraid to let you see me enjoying him, as though I am betraying you.

But then I notice your resentment change, first to curiosity, then to protectiveness, finally to genuine affection.

More days pass, and we are settling into a new routine. The memory of days with just the two of us is fading fast.

But something else is replacing those wonderful times we shared, just we two. There are new times – only now, we are three. I watch the love between you grow, the way you look at each other, touch each other.

I watch how he adores you – as I have for so long. I see how excited you are by each of his new accomplishments. And I begin to realize that I haven’t taken something from you, I’ve given something to you. I notice that I am no longer afraid to share my love openly with both of you.
I find that my love for each of you is as different as you are, but equally strong. And my question is finally answered, to my amazement. Yes, I can love another child as much as I love you – only differently.

And although I realize that you may have to share my time, I now know you’ll never share my love.

There’s enough of that for both of you – you each have your own supply.

I love you – both. And I thank you both for blessing my life.

Why Now is the Time

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Some people asked why I’d share my quit smoking story because to be honest, not many people know that I smoked to begin so. Why ‘tarnish’ my own cupcake toting, beauty queen, and some say sporty/girl next door image?

I thought that now is the time because information for smokers to quit has never been more readily available – Just google “information about smoking”.

Support for smokers to quit has never been stronger – In Singapore, HPB has set up a I Quit Facebook Page so quitters can give each other support and exchange tips/stories. (Please share that link!). You may want to do the iQuit Pledge just like us and post a photo of yourself doing the I Quit Pledge here!

The number of celebrities who speak out on quitting is an ever growing list – Some who have made the quit list include Jennifer Aniston, Ashton Kutcher, Kate Moss, Gisele Bundchen, Charlize Theron, Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Ellen Degeneres and the list goes on.

Actually, I do think that celebrities are shunning cigarettes because they recognize the perils of smoking especially to their skin, hair and teeth – stuff that their careers are made of. That is a pretty strong motivation I must admit =p Matt Damon probably put it most succinctly: “”Once you realize the consequences, it’s no longer an option for you to smoke. I think that applies to any addiction,” he told Parade magazine.”

The consequences to smoking really are plenty. Here’s a sampling:

For the Smoker:

1) 90% of lung cancer cases are due to smoking.
2) Only 0.5% of people who have never touched smoking develop lung cancer.
3) A single cigarette can reduce blood supply to your skin for over an hour. It also lowers your level of vitamin A which causes paler skin and more wrinkles.
4) For men in their 30s and 40s, smoking increases the risk of erectile dysfunction by about 50%.
5) For women, smoking reduces fertility, increases risk of cervical cancer and causes earlier onset of menopause.
6) The risk of contracting mouth cancer is 4x higher in smokers.

For the Environment:
1) Cigarettes contain over 4000 chemicals which are exhaled to the air and atmosphere.
2) Over 400 of the chemicals are poisonous to man.
3) About 4.3 trillion cigarette butts litter the earth every year causing a serious litter problem because they are EVERYWHERE and because they are toxic and non biodegradable.
4) Environmental Tobacco Smoke causes twice as many deaths as all other types of air pollution put together.

So I guess why I shared my story was because I felt like I owed it to Renee try to leave a cleaner and less polluted Earth for her in whatever way I could.

Isn’t love the reason why people do most things?

In a nutshell, I think everyone of us have someone we love who could benefit from the message of smoking kills. And surely everyone loves someone enough to want to do something about it =)

PS: Please share your support for the iquitclub!

My #iamquitter Story

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I met up with two Poly mates a few weeks back and it was really nice to see how they’re all different and “grown up” but still the same.

I discovered quite a while back, that you’ll likely remain the same person as in
your childhood, with more dimensions/depth because life requires it and because
mistakes experience produces it. That knowledge really helps with
falling back to a certain level of comfort with people you know “from back then”
because no matter how long you guys haven’t met, they are the same people who
worked thru project crunch times and exams with you =)

So after the introduction to families, catching up and
finishing cupcakes (of course we met up at Twelve Cupcakes =p), I saw two of
them exchanging THE nod.

This nod is universally recognised by all smokers when they
receive it.

It’s THE Smoke Nod.

One of them turned to me and hesitantly asked “Er… You quit
already is it?”

I said “Uh huh, it’s been quite awhile too….”

Another said “Last time you smoke the most one leh!”

I said “I Know! And I quit! You should too – what if your
7yr old boy tells you that he wants to smoke?”

He said “When he is old enough to buy cigarettes, I cannot
stop him if he wants to ma.”

Which I agree.

I’m all about free will. That’s why I recognise that for
some (at least for me), the reason why you start or stop, is because you want
to or not. There’s not much rocket science to it.

Then why is it such a hard habit to kick? I tried to quit a
few times in the decade that I was smoking but obviously failed until end of
2006 (Hurrah! Smoke free for 6years?!)

For me, I don’t think the addiction was to the nicotine. It
was an addiction to being fidgety, to the hand-to-mouth motion, and to always
doing something. Dan tells me that I’m never stationary, and that my toes are
just like a cat’s tail – they seem to have a life of their own. It was habitual
for me to reach for a cigarette whenever I was in the midst of anything. Almost
like I was trying to prove that I could multitask =p

I also have a rather stubborn competitive streak and
saying “I Quit” just rubs me the wrong way. It’s not an excuse to keep a bad
habit I know, but it’s hard to explain idiosyncrasies.

On top of all of that, there was the vain real concern
that I’ll put on weight because I still had my TV job where you hear about
whether you look like you put on weight or lost weight every other day.

When friends ask me a few years back how I quit smoking
(they seem to have forgotten that I used to smoke at all now), the honest
reason was that I “Didn’t feel like it anymore”.

But when I really thought about it, it wasn’t a random “I
don’t feel like it anymore”. It started from the time “Yellow Boxes” were
introduced and smoking was banned in many places.

It felt like being free to make the choice to smoke, has
curbed my freedom in many other ways. There are the no smoking signs/yellow
boxes to follow; there is the travelling I cannot do because I spent the money
on cigarettes; there is the constant camouflage of cigarette smells because
even smokers don’t like the smell of smoke.

Well, I meant it when I said that I REALLY like being free.
I mean if someone told me to quit, that would be the last thing I’d do. (Thank
you Dan, for always only gently suggesting and never telling me to). If I told
myself that I CANNOT have something, I usually want it more. “I can resist
anything but temptation” was something I really identified with =p

So armed with past failures self knowledge, I knew
that setting Start Dates won’t work for me, neither will throwing everything
cigarette related thing out. (Desperate Resourceful people will buy new
ones on the way out)

The only times I didn’t smoke in the past was when I fell
sick. It was one of those times that my slow approach to quitting started. I
didn’t make a big deal out of it and casually decided to not pick up a
cigarette even though I felt well enough to and there were cigarettes lying
around. I told myself “Just for a day, cos I Want to be smoke free for a day.
It’s not exactly quitting.” And then told myself that for another day. And
another day. Dan noticed after a few days that I haven’t lit up and I told him
yeah, “don’t feel like it”. You know how that story went.

As to the putting on weight problem, it didn’t happen – in
fact I lost some weight because I ate WAY less sweets and stopped stuffing my
mouth with food to mask the smell of smoke. Lucky me? I think so too!

In a nutshell, I think the most important thing to quitting
really is:

1) Finding the motivation that works best for you and

2) Finding a method that works best for you

There are many ways to skin a cat so if the thought of
kicking this bad habit has crossed your mind, find a way to realise it! Don’t
know where and how to find a way? HPB has set up a Facebook page so that
inspiration and support is always only a click away. Take a look and see if you
find inspiration, laughs, tears or a really good method to quit from other
people.

In fact, you may want to share it with your smoking friends
because it’s tough to be the only person quitting while your friends puff in
your face. If you cannot stay away from temptation smoking friends, then
rope them in! Everybody can be quitters together. Their skin, hair, fresh
breath and non smoking loved ones around them will love you more for it =)

I’m still quite incredulous when I remember the old days
when I had to have my fix. How was I ok with sitting in a cloud of smoke for 10
years? I can barely stand being near smoke now cos I imagine it to wrinkle my
skin the moment there’s contact =p Paranoid right?

But that aside, I have since realised that I absolutely love
being free of the smell of smoke; I love being free of having to find a place
to smoke (Bye bye yellow boxes!); and I love not having to carry The pouch
(ciggies, lighter and mints) around.

I just really enjoy being free. What about you?