Category Archives: random thoughts

Frivolous Post

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When I was 6yrs old, the position for “flower girl” opened up when my uncle and aunty were planning their wedding. As my sister and I were their only nieces, it was only natural that we were to fill that position.

What wasn’t natural, was that my grandmother decided that we should have permed hair to carry out the duty.

Of course there’s no happy ending to that one. VERY bad perm on my stubbon hair = VERY bad perm for VERY long time. (I envied my sister so much cos her hair was thinner, softer and the aunty curls washed right off in less than a week!)

It was life scarring.

Which is why I have never permed my hair after that. But 30 years is a long time to hold a grudge, so I thought that I should try a perm to celebrate the world not ending. 

What do you know – I actually like it (nice?)

Okay, so it’s quite a wuss perm since only the ends got any but hey – i was scarred remember? I can’t perm my hair to the roots if my contingency plan was to cut it all off if it didn’t work out =p

And now, the curls don’t look like they’re going to hold. $198 for 2 weeks of curls is really expensive. Wondering if I should go back for a re-perm (will they do it for free??), or if that is too harmful for my hair. Hm. How?

Well, I did warn you that it’s a frivolous post. If you’re in a frivolous mood and have some advice, please send some on twitter ok?

The Carrot, The Egg and The Coffee Bean

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“A young woman went to her mother and told her about her life and how things were so hard for her. She did not know how she was going to make it and wanted to give up, She was tired of fighting and struggling. It seemed as one problem was solved, a new one arose.

Her mother took her to the kitchen. She filled three pots with water and placed each on a high fire. Soon the pots came to boil. In the first she placed carrots, in the second she placed eggs, and in the last she placed ground coffee beans. She let them sit and boil; without saying a word.

In about twenty minutes she turned off the burners. She fished the carrots out and placed them in a bowl. She pulled the eggs out and placed them in a bowl. Then she ladled the coffee out and placed it in a bowl. Turning to her daughter, she asked, ‘ Tell me what you see.’

‘Carrots, eggs, and coffee,’ she replied.

Her mother brought her closer and asked her to feel the carrots. She did and noted that they were soft. The mother then asked the daughter to take an egg and break it. After pulling off the shell, she observed the hard boiled egg.

Finally, the mother asked the daughter to sip the coffee. The daughter smiled as she tasted its rich aroma. The daughter then asked, ‘What does it mean, mother?’

Her mother explained that each of these objects had faced the same adversity: boiling water. Each reacted differently. The carrot went in strong, hard, and unrelenting. However, after being subjected to the boiling water, it softened and became weak. The egg had been fragile. Its thin outer shell had protected its liquid interior, but after
sitting through the boiling water, its inside became hardened. The ground coffee beans were unique, however. After they were in the boiling water, they  had changed the water.

‘Which are you?’ she asked her daughter. ‘When adversity knocks on your door, how do you respond? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

Think of this:  Which am I? Am I the carrot that seems strong, but with pain and adversity do I wilt and become soft and lose my strength?

Am I the egg that starts with a malleable heart, but changes with the
heat? Did I have a fluid spirit, but after a death, a breakup, a
financial hardship or some other trial, have I become hardened and stiff? Does my shell look the same, but on the inside am I bitter and tough with a stiff spirit and hardened heart?

Or am I like the coffee bean? The bean actually changes the hot water, the very circumstance that brings the pain. When the water gets hot, it releases the fragrance and flavour. If you are like the bean, when things are at their worst, you get better and change the situation around you. When the hour is the darkest and trials are their greatest do you elevate yourself to another level? How do you handle adversity? Are you a carrot, an egg or a coffee bean?

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human and enough hope to make you happy.

The happiest of people don’t necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way. The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past; you can’t go forward in life until you let go of your past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling.

Live your life so at the end, you’re the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

It’s quite morbid to think about one’s own funeral, but I’d like it to be a celebration of my life instead of everyone around me crying. I otherwise agree with the rest of the article – I WANNA BE A COFFEE BEAN!

Why Now is the Time

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Some people asked why I’d share my quit smoking story because to be honest, not many people know that I smoked to begin so. Why ‘tarnish’ my own cupcake toting, beauty queen, and some say sporty/girl next door image?

I thought that now is the time because information for smokers to quit has never been more readily available – Just google “information about smoking”.

Support for smokers to quit has never been stronger – In Singapore, HPB has set up a I Quit Facebook Page so quitters can give each other support and exchange tips/stories. (Please share that link!). You may want to do the iQuit Pledge just like us and post a photo of yourself doing the I Quit Pledge here!

The number of celebrities who speak out on quitting is an ever growing list – Some who have made the quit list include Jennifer Aniston, Ashton Kutcher, Kate Moss, Gisele Bundchen, Charlize Theron, Matt Damon, Ben Affleck, Ellen Degeneres and the list goes on.

Actually, I do think that celebrities are shunning cigarettes because they recognize the perils of smoking especially to their skin, hair and teeth – stuff that their careers are made of. That is a pretty strong motivation I must admit =p Matt Damon probably put it most succinctly: “”Once you realize the consequences, it’s no longer an option for you to smoke. I think that applies to any addiction,” he told Parade magazine.”

The consequences to smoking really are plenty. Here’s a sampling:

For the Smoker:

1) 90% of lung cancer cases are due to smoking.
2) Only 0.5% of people who have never touched smoking develop lung cancer.
3) A single cigarette can reduce blood supply to your skin for over an hour. It also lowers your level of vitamin A which causes paler skin and more wrinkles.
4) For men in their 30s and 40s, smoking increases the risk of erectile dysfunction by about 50%.
5) For women, smoking reduces fertility, increases risk of cervical cancer and causes earlier onset of menopause.
6) The risk of contracting mouth cancer is 4x higher in smokers.

For the Environment:
1) Cigarettes contain over 4000 chemicals which are exhaled to the air and atmosphere.
2) Over 400 of the chemicals are poisonous to man.
3) About 4.3 trillion cigarette butts litter the earth every year causing a serious litter problem because they are EVERYWHERE and because they are toxic and non biodegradable.
4) Environmental Tobacco Smoke causes twice as many deaths as all other types of air pollution put together.

So I guess why I shared my story was because I felt like I owed it to Renee try to leave a cleaner and less polluted Earth for her in whatever way I could.

Isn’t love the reason why people do most things?

In a nutshell, I think everyone of us have someone we love who could benefit from the message of smoking kills. And surely everyone loves someone enough to want to do something about it =)

PS: Please share your support for the iquitclub!

My #iamquitter Story

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I met up with two Poly mates a few weeks back and it was really nice to see how they’re all different and “grown up” but still the same.

I discovered quite a while back, that you’ll likely remain the same person as in
your childhood, with more dimensions/depth because life requires it and because
mistakes experience produces it. That knowledge really helps with
falling back to a certain level of comfort with people you know “from back then”
because no matter how long you guys haven’t met, they are the same people who
worked thru project crunch times and exams with you =)

So after the introduction to families, catching up and
finishing cupcakes (of course we met up at Twelve Cupcakes =p), I saw two of
them exchanging THE nod.

This nod is universally recognised by all smokers when they
receive it.

It’s THE Smoke Nod.

One of them turned to me and hesitantly asked “Er… You quit
already is it?”

I said “Uh huh, it’s been quite awhile too….”

Another said “Last time you smoke the most one leh!”

I said “I Know! And I quit! You should too – what if your
7yr old boy tells you that he wants to smoke?”

He said “When he is old enough to buy cigarettes, I cannot
stop him if he wants to ma.”

Which I agree.

I’m all about free will. That’s why I recognise that for
some (at least for me), the reason why you start or stop, is because you want
to or not. There’s not much rocket science to it.

Then why is it such a hard habit to kick? I tried to quit a
few times in the decade that I was smoking but obviously failed until end of
2006 (Hurrah! Smoke free for 6years?!)

For me, I don’t think the addiction was to the nicotine. It
was an addiction to being fidgety, to the hand-to-mouth motion, and to always
doing something. Dan tells me that I’m never stationary, and that my toes are
just like a cat’s tail – they seem to have a life of their own. It was habitual
for me to reach for a cigarette whenever I was in the midst of anything. Almost
like I was trying to prove that I could multitask =p

I also have a rather stubborn competitive streak and
saying “I Quit” just rubs me the wrong way. It’s not an excuse to keep a bad
habit I know, but it’s hard to explain idiosyncrasies.

On top of all of that, there was the vain real concern
that I’ll put on weight because I still had my TV job where you hear about
whether you look like you put on weight or lost weight every other day.

When friends ask me a few years back how I quit smoking
(they seem to have forgotten that I used to smoke at all now), the honest
reason was that I “Didn’t feel like it anymore”.

But when I really thought about it, it wasn’t a random “I
don’t feel like it anymore”. It started from the time “Yellow Boxes” were
introduced and smoking was banned in many places.

It felt like being free to make the choice to smoke, has
curbed my freedom in many other ways. There are the no smoking signs/yellow
boxes to follow; there is the travelling I cannot do because I spent the money
on cigarettes; there is the constant camouflage of cigarette smells because
even smokers don’t like the smell of smoke.

Well, I meant it when I said that I REALLY like being free.
I mean if someone told me to quit, that would be the last thing I’d do. (Thank
you Dan, for always only gently suggesting and never telling me to). If I told
myself that I CANNOT have something, I usually want it more. “I can resist
anything but temptation” was something I really identified with =p

So armed with past failures self knowledge, I knew
that setting Start Dates won’t work for me, neither will throwing everything
cigarette related thing out. (Desperate Resourceful people will buy new
ones on the way out)

The only times I didn’t smoke in the past was when I fell
sick. It was one of those times that my slow approach to quitting started. I
didn’t make a big deal out of it and casually decided to not pick up a
cigarette even though I felt well enough to and there were cigarettes lying
around. I told myself “Just for a day, cos I Want to be smoke free for a day.
It’s not exactly quitting.” And then told myself that for another day. And
another day. Dan noticed after a few days that I haven’t lit up and I told him
yeah, “don’t feel like it”. You know how that story went.

As to the putting on weight problem, it didn’t happen – in
fact I lost some weight because I ate WAY less sweets and stopped stuffing my
mouth with food to mask the smell of smoke. Lucky me? I think so too!

In a nutshell, I think the most important thing to quitting
really is:

1) Finding the motivation that works best for you and

2) Finding a method that works best for you

There are many ways to skin a cat so if the thought of
kicking this bad habit has crossed your mind, find a way to realise it! Don’t
know where and how to find a way? HPB has set up a Facebook page so that
inspiration and support is always only a click away. Take a look and see if you
find inspiration, laughs, tears or a really good method to quit from other
people.

In fact, you may want to share it with your smoking friends
because it’s tough to be the only person quitting while your friends puff in
your face. If you cannot stay away from temptation smoking friends, then
rope them in! Everybody can be quitters together. Their skin, hair, fresh
breath and non smoking loved ones around them will love you more for it =)

I’m still quite incredulous when I remember the old days
when I had to have my fix. How was I ok with sitting in a cloud of smoke for 10
years? I can barely stand being near smoke now cos I imagine it to wrinkle my
skin the moment there’s contact =p Paranoid right?

But that aside, I have since realised that I absolutely love
being free of the smell of smoke; I love being free of having to find a place
to smoke (Bye bye yellow boxes!); and I love not having to carry The pouch
(ciggies, lighter and mints) around.

I just really enjoy being free. What about you?

I would like to blog more but…

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1) Some days I find an entry forming in my head, but I’m not at the computer. By the time I get to the computer, the entry has evaporated.

2) Some days I am at the computer but my mind hits a blank.

3) Some days I am at the computer AND have alot of things to say, but the internet connection is so slow I get distracted with my iPhone (there’s twitter / bejeweled / fb) and abandon quest.

4) Some days my hands are full with Renee and I cannot type.

5) Some days my grammar goes AWOL on me and I’m too embarassed to post anything.

6) Some days inertia beats intention.

7) Some days my computer runs at 386 speed (i haven’t seen this term in forever. And I suspect neither has anyone under age 30.). So I need to install updates, restart the computer and I’ve totally forgotten why I’m in front of the computer by then. That and I got distracted (See 3)

See how many conditions have to be right for this post to be up?

Good or bad, hard to say…

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One of those forwarded emails which I’ve received numerous times and always go “Ah…..” at the end of the read.

Once upon a time, there was a king. The king liked one of his followers very much because he was very wise and always gave very useful advice. Therefore the king took him along wherever he went.

One day, the king was bitten by a dog, his finger was injured and the wound was getting worse. He asked the
follower if that was a bad sign. The follower said, ‘Good or bad, hard to say’.

In the end, the king’s finger got so bad it had to be amputated.

The king asked the follower again, if that was a bad sign.

Again, the follower gave the same answer, ‘Good or bad, hard to say’.

The king became very angry and sent the follower to prison.

One day, the king went hunting in the jungle. He got excited chasing a deer and deeper and deeper into the jungle he went. In the end he found himself lost and to make things worse, he got caught by the natives living in the jungle.

They wanted to sacrifice him to their God but when they noticed that the king was short of a finger, they released him immediately as he wasn’t a perfect specimen of a man and was therefore not a suitable sacrifice.

The king managed to get back to his palace and he finally understood the follower’s wise
quote : ‘Good or bad, hard to say’ – If he hadn’t lost one finger, he would have lost his life to the natives.

He immediately ordered the release of his follower, and apologized to him.

But to the king’s amazement, the follower wasn’t mad at him at all. Instead he said,

‘It wasn’t a bad thing that you locked me up. Why? Because if you hadn’t, you would have brought me along to the jungle. If the natives found you unsuitable to be a sacrifice, they would’ve used me.”

Again, the quote ‘Good or bad, hard to say’ stands.

The moral of the story is that everything happens for a reason in this world. There is no absolute good or bad. Sometimes good things turn out to be bad things eventually, while bad things become a gain.

Whatever good that happens to you, enjoy it but don’t hold on too tight to it. Treat it as a surprise in your life.

Whatever bad that happens to you, don’t have to feel too sad or despair – in the end, it may not be a total bad
thing.

If one can understand this, he or she will find life much easier.

PS: Actually after reading this again, I think that the life of a believer is easier - If it’s good, I believe it is in His plans. When things seem bad, (ie: I do not get what I want), I believe it is because He has something better planned for me. So either way, I’m still a happy camper at the end of the day =)

Update 3: We called the CSO

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So Dan called the CSO and explained to her the circumstances, ie: we have the contact of the person who passed her the bag, and that The Cathay has CCTV footage they can release to the police and in fact recommends that we go to the police. We said we would prefer to not involve the police and just want the phone back.

She maintains that she did not take the iPhone and that she is willing to give up a month’s salary to prove her innocence. To take it a step further, she even said she swears it upon her mother’s life (I thought that really unnecessary).

Dan asked why she lied to him about not having my bag as he even gave hand signals on the size of my bag. She said she thought he meant a brown handbag (which is exactly what my bag is) instead of a brown leather bag. As she tried to clarify her statement later, she revised her story to say she thought he said it was a brown man’s bag and then changed it again to say she thought he said a brown wallet.

Big loophole in that too cos it just means she had the bag all along. Dan forgot to ask her about the Anand whom she claimed to have returned the bag After we went asking for it.

Anyway, after hearing a few versions of why she denied having my bag when we asked for it at the counter yesterday, my very exasperated husband said “We are outside the police station.”(which we were) “You have 10secs to give us back the phone or go to jail.” (yes, my husband has a penchant for dramatising )

She tried to explain her innocence somemore and then Dan said “I’ll make the police report now”.

So we did.

Two hours later (it takes such a long time to make a police report!!), I’m home, tired and frustrated with myself for not having gotten a SIM card sent me to today.

Long day.

Lost Phone. Considering myself lucky.

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When we got home after lunch, my sister called Dan to say that my bag was lost. Huh? How’d she know when I didn’t?!

She said someone (Indian sounding) called the last dialled number on my phone, said he found my bag and would leave it at the customer service counter of The Cathay because he was rushing for a movie.

As we drove back to The Cathay, I was thanking God that a kind soul had returned the bag. I made a mental checklist of the things I would otherwise have to replace – my driving licence, I/C, credit/atm cards, S90cam(and irreplaceable memories!), iPhone, and RMK makeup…. We thought it must be the the (Indian)guy driving a Lexus who was waiting to park in the lot we were in. Besides, my bag was in Renee’s pram and it could only have fallen out without us knowing in the carpark.

When we got to The Cathay, I sat waiting in the car with Renee by the side of the street while Dan ran in to do a quick pickup. After 15mins(felt like alot longer!), he ran back with empty hands and a grim face. He has checked with the box office, with the customer service, with Cathay organisation, with everybody he could possibly check with and NOBODY HAS SEEN MY BAG!!

We drove into the carpark and saw the same Lexus in the lot and left him a note to call us back.

Then we walked around The Cathay while making calls to cancel my cards. We even got the name of the lady at the Customer Service counter just so we have a name for whatever reason. 

Anyhow, hanging around The Cathay waiting for the Lexus driver to return to his car didn’t seem like a good solution. What if he decided to dine as well? Plus we had Renee with us… So we decided to leave.

On our way out, Dan’s phone rang. The lady at the reception said SOMEONE RETURNED THE BAG! HURRAH!!

She said someone found it in the male toilet and brought it there. Everything was in there except for the cash in my wallet and my iPhone.

It’s all a little strange. The story doesn’t seem to add up. Did the guy change his mind about returning everything in the bag? Did he turn it in at the customer service counter and someone there wanted to keep it? Should we pursue it given that I’ve got most of my valuables back? (I/C and driving licence would be the most troublesome to replace). I mean, if the ‘broken link’ of the story is at the customer service counter, pursuing it will cost her job. But isn’t the customer service counter akin to a police post? A place you put things at for safekeeping?

I think playing detective isn’t gonna help me find my iPhone although I’ll admit to being awfully curious. We’re not even sure which guy picked up the bag to begin with and the Lexus driver may not return the call. 

Thing to do now, is to replace the iPhone, fret over lost GODFINGER time, and berate myself for not having backed up my stuff.

There. The long story.

 

**Update 1(9:11pm, 21 Jul)

Life is interwoven most intricately. Turns out, it IS The Lexus guy who picked up my bag!! He called Dan to confirm that he handed the bag in its entirety to the lady at the reception. So the time line is this:

220pm: Guy hands my bag to CSO
320pm: Dan goes to the counter and the CSO tells him nobody handed anything over to the counter and she is the only person on duty.
330pm: We go back to the CSO to get her name
410pm: CSO calls to say someone returned the bag

I think she didn’t expect at all that we would be able to contact the person who handed her the bag. The Cathay will be looking at the CCTV tapes tomorrow. It is looking awfully like the CSO who took the bag from the kind stranger who returned it, took my phone and cash. It is also looking awfully like there will be a job opening at The Cathay soon. Will find out tomorrow.

*fingers crossed that she didn’t reset my iPhone to factory settings. Dan will be most upset that his Angry Birds scores are deleted Renee’s audio/video/picture files are gone.

**Update 2(3:03pm, 22 Jul)

The plot thickens. Cathay says they searched the CSO and didn’t find a phone. She still maintains that she didn’t take it. They urge us to make a police report because they cannot release footage of the CCTV to us plus they’re still investigating the case. Hm… I’m loathed to make a police report cos that could potentially ruin her life. It seems too big a consequence over an iPhone. We think we’ll call her with the information we have (she doesn’t know that we have made contact with the guy who handed the bag to her) to let her know that we know. And that we want the phone back. Right thing? Wrong thing? She’s out of the office now. We’ll try her number again later.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

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It’s a long but easy read. Some things I agree with more than others, but in all, it has these little nuggets of wisdom I’m glad to now have in my possession. If only practising it would be as easy.

Written by Adrian Tan, author of The Teenage Textbook (1988), was the guest-of-honour at a recent NTU convocation ceremony. This was his speech to the graduating class of 2008.

I must say thank you to the faculty and staff of the Wee Kim Wee School of Communication and Information for inviting me to give your convocation address. It’s a wonderful honour and a privilege for me to speak here for ten minutes without fear of contradiction, defamation or retaliation. I say this as a Singaporean and more so as a husband.

My wife is a wonderful person and perfect in every way except one. She is the editor of a magazine. She corrects people for a living. She has honed her expert skills over a quarter of a century, mostly by practising at home during conversations between her and me.

On the other hand, I am a litigator. Essentially, I spend my day telling people how wrong they are. I make my living being disagreeable.

Nevertheless, there is perfect harmony in our matrimonial home. That is because when an editor and a litigator have an argument, the one who triumphs is always the wife.

And so I want to start by giving one piece of advice to the men: when you’ve already won her heart, you don’t need to win every argument.

Marriage is considered one milestone of life. Some of you may already be married. Some of you may never be married. Some of you will be married. Some of you will enjoy the experience so much, you will be married many, many times. Good for you.

The next big milestone in your life is today: your graduation. The end of education. You’re done learning.

You’ve probably been told the big lie that “Learning is a lifelong process” and that therefore you will continue studying and taking masters’ degrees and doctorates and professorships and so on. You know the sort of people who tell you that? Teachers. Don’t you think there is some measure of conflict of interest? They are in the business of learning, after all. Where would they be without you? They need you to be repeat customers.

The good news is that they’re wrong.

The bad news is that you don’t need further education because your entire life is over. It is gone. That may come as a shock to some of you. You’re in your teens or early twenties. People may tell you that you will live to be 70, 80, 90 years old. That is your life expectancy.

I love that term: life expectancy. We all understand the term to mean the average life span of a group of people. But I’m here to talk about a bigger idea, which is what you expect from your life.

You may be very happy to know that Singapore is currently ranked as the country with the third highest life expectancy. We are behind Andorra and Japan, and tied with San Marino. It seems quite clear why people in those countries, and ours, live so long. We share one thing in common: our football teams are all hopeless. There’s very little danger of any of our citizens having their pulses raised by watching us play in the World Cup. Spectators are more likely to be lulled into a gentle and restful nap.

Singaporeans have a life expectancy of 81.8 years. Singapore men live to an average of 79.21 years, while Singapore women live more than five years longer, probably to take into account the additional time they need to spend in the bathroom.

So here you are, in your twenties, thinking that you’ll have another 40 years to go. Four decades in which to live long and prosper.

Bad news. Read the papers. There are people dropping dead when they’re 50, 40, 30 years old. Or quite possibly just after finishing their convocation. They would be very disappointed that they didn’t meet their life expectancy.

I’m here to tell you this. Forget about your life expectancy.

After all, it’s calculated based on an average. And you never, ever want to expect being average.

Revisit those expectations. You might be looking forward to working, falling in love, marrying, raising a family. You are told that, as graduates, you should expect to find a job paying so much, where your hours are so much, where your responsibilities are so much.

That is what is expected of you. And if you live up to it, it will be an awful waste.

If you expect that, you will be limiting yourself. You will be living your life according to boundaries set by average people. I have nothing against average people. But no one should aspire to be them. And you don’t need years of education by the best minds in Singapore to prepare you to be average.

What you should prepare for is mess. Life’s a mess. You are not entitled to expect anything from it. Life is not fair. Everything does not balance out in the end. Life happens, and you have no control over it. Good and bad things happen to you day by day, hour by hour, moment by moment. Your degree is a poor armour against fate.

Don’t expect anything. Erase all life expectancies. Just live. Your life is over as of today. At this point in time, you have grown as tall as you will ever be, you are physically the fittest you will ever be in your entire life and you are probably looking the best that you will ever look. This is as good as it gets. It is all downhill from here. Or up. No one knows.

What does this mean for you? It is good that your life is over. Since your life is over, you are free. Let me tell you the many wonderful things that you can do when you are free.

The most important is this: do not work.

Work is anything that you are compelled to do. By its very nature, it is undesirable.

Work kills. The Japanese have a term “Karoshi”, which means death from overwork. That’s the most dramatic form of how work can kill. But it can also kill you in more subtle ways. If you work, then day by day, bit by bit, your soul is chipped away, disintegrating until there’s nothing left. A rock has been ground into sand and dust.

There’s a common misconception that work is necessary. You will meet people working at miserable jobs. They tell you they are “making a living”. No, they’re not. They’re dying, frittering away their fast-extinguishing lives doing things which are, at best, meaningless and, at worst, harmful.

People will tell you that work ennobles you, that work lends you a certain dignity. Work makes you free. The slogan “Arbeit macht frei” was placed at the entrances to a number of Nazi concentration camps. Utter nonsense.

Do not waste the vast majority of your life doing something you hate so that you can spend the small remainder sliver of your life in modest comfort. You may never reach that end anyway.

Resist the temptation to get a job. Instead, play. Find something you enjoy doing. Do it. Over and over again. You will become good at it for two reasons: you like it, and you do it often. Soon, that will have value in itself.

I like arguing, and I love language. So, I became a litigator. I enjoy it and I would do it for free. If I didn’t do that, I would’ve been in some other type of work that still involved writing fiction – probably a sports journalist.

So what should you do? You will find your own niche. I don’t imagine you will need to look very hard. By this time in your life, you will have a very good idea of what you will want to do. In fact, I’ll go further and say the ideal situation would be that you will not be able to stop yourself pursuing your passions. By this time you should know what your obsessions are. If you enjoy showing off your knowledge and feeling superior, you might become a teacher.

Find that pursuit that will energise you, consume you, become an obsession. Each day, you must rise with a restless enthusiasm. If you don’t, you are working.

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

The other side of the coin is this: fall in love.

I didn’t say “be loved”. That requires too much compromise. If one changes one’s looks, personality and values, one can be loved by anyone.

Rather, I exhort you to love another human being. It may seem odd for me to tell you this. You may expect it to happen naturally, without deliberation. That is false. Modern society is anti-love. We’ve taken a microscope to everyone to bring out their flaws and shortcomings. It far easier to find a reason not to love someone, than otherwise. Rejection requires only one reason. Love requires complete acceptance. It is hard work – the only kind of work that I find palatable.

Loving someone has great benefits. There is admiration, learning, attraction and something which, for the want of a better word, we call happiness. In loving someone, we become inspired to better ourselves in every way. We learn the truth worthlessness of material things. We celebrate being human. Loving is good for the soul.

Loving someone is therefore very important, and it is also important to choose the right person. Despite popular culture, love doesn’t happen by chance, at first sight, across a crowded dance floor. It grows slowly, sinking roots first before branching and blossoming. It is not a silly weed, but a mighty tree that weathers every storm.
You will find, that when you have someone to love, that the face is less important than the brain, and the body is less important than the heart.

You will also find that it is no great tragedy if your love is not reciprocated. You are not doing it to be loved back. Its value is to inspire you.

Finally, you will find that there is no half-measure when it comes to loving someone. You either don’t, or you do with every cell in your body, completely and utterly, without reservation or apology. It consumes you, and you are reborn, all the better for it.

Don’t work. Avoid telling the truth. Be hated. Love someone.

Something to think about

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This came in my email yesterday under the subject “Stress Management” :

A lecturer when explaining stress management to an audience, raised a glass of water and asked ‘How heavy is this glass of water?’

Answers called out ranged from 20g to 500g. The lecturer replied, ‘The absolute weight doesn’t matter. It depends on how long you try to hold it.

If I hold it for a minute, that’s not a problem.
If I hold it for an hour, I’ll have an ache in my right arm.
If I hold it for a day, you’ll have to call an ambulance.

In each case, it’s the same weight, but the longer I hold it, the heavier it becomes. That’s the way it is with stress management. If we carry our burdens all the time, sooner or later, as the burden becomes increasingly heavy, we won’t be able to carry on.’

As with the glass of water, you have to put it down your burdens for a while and rest before holding it again. When you’re refreshed, you can carry on.’

So, before you return home tonight, put the burden of work down! Don’t carry it home. You can pick it up tomorrow. Whatever burdens you’re carrying now, let them down for a moment if you can. Put down anything that may be a burden to you right now. Don’t pick it up again until after you’ve rested a while.

I thought this a very good analogy. People get stressed about work, about relationships and honestly, many itty bitty petty things. Best to put them down(or give them to God if you believe in Him). Don’t pick everything up after you’ve rested. Maybe you’ll realise after putting it down, that it’s not worth carrying.