Monthly Archives: April 2010

Week 3 Discoveries

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Has it only been 3 weeks? It feels like much longer has passed but I’m sure that’s the result of being mostly awake these 21 days. The good that has resulted from all that uptime, is that I’ve had too many opportunities to practice changing nappies. As with everything, practice makes perfect. In fact, I feel like such an old hand at nappy changing now that I’d like to share two simple bits of practical knowledge on nappy changing with mommies-to-be. I’m sure the already-mommies have caught on.

#1 : There must be a nappy under Baby at all times. The moment there isn’t, is very likely the moment Baby decides to poo or pee. This is especially true after baths.

#2 : Don’t look too closely at a baby’s bottom when you’re cleaning Baby – you may not retreat in time for surprise farts. Or worse, projectile poops.

Simple, right? I wish I knew them instead of having to discover them.

I think parenthood is a lot of common sense (it’s not as common as you think), and discovering new things every day. I’ve thus far also discovered that I don’t miss going out as much as I thought I would. The only thing I really miss is cold drinks and sleep – just like Maslow said:

Apr4

Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

A friend asked me if I was going to “turn into those boring only want to stay at home type of mother” over the phone last week. I should have just shown her Maslow’s Hierarchy. If my first tier needs aren’t properly met, I think third tier demands will have to wait. Of course I complained explained to her why I don’t think I’m up to going out anytime soon. And of course being good friends (only good friends dare ask questions like that), I got the empathy I was fishing for.

I used to wonder why my friends turn parents did not come out as much as before. I mean for the first couple of months, it is understandably the need for sleep, recuperation, and getting adjusted to having Baby in their lives. What of after those initial months? They don’t want to bring Baby out for fear of cramping their friends-with-no-children’s style? They cannot find babysitters? They think catching up will be tough with a child in tow?

An inkling of the answer came to me a few days ago. I took a short excursion to the supermarket thinking that some fresh air would do me good. Other than being tired after an hour out, I found myself missing Renee a lot more than I thought I would. Yes, in that short hour. What a wuss, right?

So I’m beginning to suspect that the reason might simply be that they prefer to be with Baby and family. And I felt a little ashamed that all my pre-Renee thoughts pointed an accusing finger to the child for taking away mommy and daddy’s social time.

Now, my official answer if anybody (dares) asks me that question in future: “I’m not boring and only want to stay at home ok? I Prefer to.”

Outliers

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Two years ago, I received an email that had some fun facts about the bible. I thought it interesting and sent it along to a friend who is also my (self proclaimed) online bible study teacher. He replied in his typically concise manner  : “Thanks for the attachment – it’s interesting, but it’s not accurate.”

Everybody knows not to believe everything they read, but many times we still fall victim to it. Ok, more accurately, I still fall victim to it. Which is why when I come across a good book now, I wonder about its accuracy.

outliers

A friend gave this book to Dan (Thanks Kenny!) and I’ll have to say that I wasn’t impressed with its cover. Outliers. What’s that? The story of success. Yet another self help book?

Then Dan and I started on the book together. As in we sat down in bed and started reading it together.

It’s a rare thing for us to do and to do it for an entire chapter, even rarer. That sounds a little wrong but I mean that most literally and in a literary way. I have an innate competitive streak which makes me want to rush through a page so I finish first. (yes yes, very primary school behaviour) In that process, I sometimes skip skim paragraphs that may be crucial to the plot.

Anyway, after we finished reading the first chapter together, I realised I actually read every single line. I forgot to be competitive because the way it was written made for a very compelling read. I didn’t skip skim paragraphs because everything in there was an interesting contribution to explaining outliers.

So what is an outlier : “Outlier” is a scientific term to describe things or phenomena that lie outside normal experience. In the summer, in Paris, we expect most days to be somewhere between warm and very hot. But imagine if you had a day in the middle of August where the temperature fell below freezing. That day would be outlier.” – Excerpt from the book’s website.

And the outliers in question are men and women who do things that are out of the ordinary. The story of their successes. Is it all ability? Luck/opportunity? Demographic advantage? What is it.

It’s all very thought provoking and written in an easy to read manner. A little like a detective novel almost at some points – find the outliers and nose around the hows and whys.

The only thing, is that I wonder if all the statistics and lists are accurate but am too lazy to check it out. But it’s still a really good read.

On Nursing and Nappies

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It is Week 2 of being a Mommy. Am I becoming Mrs Panda? Yes. On average, the longest nap I’ve taken in the last two weeks (including those at night) is 2.5hrs. Then it’s time to nurse, change nappies, burp Renee and then take that nap before it’s time for her next feed. (To Dan’s credit, he’s perfectly adept at nappy changes, burping and even bathing which I don’t know how to do. But only Mommy can feed so….)

That is why my mom (Thank you Mom!) is cooking me lots of nourishing Chinese confinement food – everything(innards are usually featured) cooked with alcohol, ginger and sesame oil. Chicken essence and a handful of vitamins make their way down my throat everyday too. I think eating well is not only essential for the purpose of nursing – it is the reason why I am still functioning. :p

Apr3_a

Apr3_b

A typical lunch (mee sua and meats) - thankfully I actually like this stuff enough to eat it everyday!

So what have I learnt so far? That to ANY question we can’t answer, there is somebody (usually many bodies) who has blogged/talked/discussed it to bits. I mean there are forums for almost every “worriable” scenario and trust me – you will be glad to find these forums when you are in need.

“Is this the correct latch on? Is it suppose to hurt this much?” (answer to that is no)
“She just drank an hour ago but looks like she’s crying for more. Should I feed her?”
“Is this color/projectile poop normal?”
“Her nails are so long. Can we cut them? When? How?”
“Her skin is peeling. More moisturizer?”

I wonder how mothers mothered without the internet in the past. I imagine I’d have lesser sleep than I already do if I had to wonder and worry about the answers to every question I didn’t know. Some people read up on Everything before Baby arrives. But Dan and I are pretty lazy chill in that aspect and believe in on the job training. We found out that only works for certain areas. Nursing was a pretty painful on the job training for me. That would be a good example of how being prepared might work better. At least it would have saved me from having to go on a course of antibiotics due to fever, chills and flu-ish aches. Oh alright, I’ll confess to not attending any breastfeeding classes so serves me right. Lactation consultants know their stuff so ASK. Preferably BEFORE any problem arises. That was during the all important first week and throughout the pain, I only had to look at Renee’s angelic face (cut me some slack. I’m like all mothers – biased) to press on with breastfeeding. How can you not want to give her the best?

Dan says we’re saving the economy one diaper at a time – she changes so many times a day! To be fair, we might be a little ‘kiasu’(ie: paranoid) and change her the instant we discover a damp dirty diaper. But really, when she smiles, it makes me want to protect her from everything. Including those painful looking nappy rashes.

Apr3_c

This is the face that makes it all worthwhile =) (ok, you can go throw up now)

A friend summed it up very aptly : “Mommyhood. You don’t get it until you get there”.

It’s so easy to fall in love!

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Warning : Please skip the read if you are averse to gushing. Especially about babies and love.

For the record: IT’S TRUE!!! Everything I’ve read sceptically about babies bringing feelings of love and joy and every mushy maudlin noun, is true. I’ve always thought that it was a conspiracy by people who are already parents, to rope in people who aren’t parents yet because misery loves company. Maybe that’s why the saying “People with kids and people without kids both feel sorry for the other.”

The first few days were emotionally overwhelming. Tears came to me very easily and I knew for a fact that it wasn’t postnatal blues because I’d be smiling at the same time(No, I don’t think I’ve gone crazy). It’s hard to believe that this little person I’m holding, is the same little fella hiccupping and kicking inside of me just a week ago. (On that note, I’m also really thankful that her delivery was very speedy and smooth-good thing I didn’t spend too much time reading horror labour stories.)

I sometimes wonder if Renee wakes up feeling spooked because someone is usually looking at her whenever she opens her eyes. I know I’d feel spooked if I opened my eyes after a nap and someone was staring at me. (Too much) Television tells us that’s the beginning/ending of a psycho episode :P But back to staring – I know it’s rude but it’s really hard to not do that.

I’d stare at her face and try to memorise every little detail. This is something I can and do do on a daily basis because that’s how often her face changes. It answered a question I’ve always asked myself in the past: ”What if I don’t like my baby?”. When you have invested 9mths carrying your baby, you will love your baby. (I think if you invested 9mths in any person, you’ll grow attached to that person too). That love I felt from when I first saw her has grown and grown and I have to stop myself from worrying about imaginary scary scenarios of harm falling on her cos that makes me cry. Ok, that just sounds like I AM getting psycho so let’s move along.

I’d stare at her hands and feet and marvel at how perfectly crafted each digit is. Then I’d wonder what she’d be when she grows up because a baby really is a blank slate and a bundle of potential.

Apr2_a

 Maybe a pianist?

I’d stare at every new(and old) expression she makes and feel amazed because you might have heard this one before: Babies help you find wonder in all things. It’s especially amazing she appears to be listening intently whenever anybody speaks to her (a trait that will serve her very well in adulthood if she retains it!). I mean, she Is a week old!

Apr2_b

This expression makes Mommy’s heart melt =)

In short, I’d have jumped on the parent wagon sooner if I had known the love I’d feel cos it’s so easy to fall in love with your own  =)

What’s Your Answer?

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I have to admit that for the longest time, I had no satisfactory answer to this question: “Why have babies when the world is depleting in resources / is in chaos / is coming to an end / <insert any doomsday scenario to world or self>”.

Also, how does it come about, that the only prerequisite for one of the most important positions in the world is physical ability? No need for tests or qualifications which may I add is a sight unfair especially in Singapore where the paper chase is deemed all important to get anywhere in life. In fact, even applying for the position of a service staff requires one to have a pass in some English proficiency test. Where’s the rationale?

So in the time of being pregnant, I’ve had plenty of time to think about those questions.

Sometimes, I come across a quote and nod my head in approval. This one for example : “A baby is God’s opinion that life should go on.” Ah, of course. The bible says to “be fruitful and multiply”. Then I think again – isn’t procreation the force that drives every other creature? There must be more to it than nature’s driving force for us free willed humans.

 Apr1_a

Just had to share this picture – God’s opinion reminded me of angels and this is one adorable angel!

Oh oh , and this is another that I hear a lot of: “Babies are miracles of life.”, or “The miracle of a newborn”.  Hm….. Honestly, these words did not sink in until I felt a being kicking inside of me. I mean, the fact that your body can create another body inside your body is (“all together now”) a miracle! I’ll profess to feeling a little smug about being able to make a baby although it is purely down to biology so I’m not sure what I’m feeling smug about. Maybe that’s why the miracle answer didn’t quite work for me. I mean, what if I don’t want I’m not ready for this miracle, right?

Apr1_c 

Oh Oh, but I thought it miraculous we could clearly count Renee’s fingers and toes at 21weeks =)

I casually asked Dan the question a few weeks back. (Side note : Should I be alarmed that we didn’t discuss these important life questions before the fact? But there always seem other things to talk about like what’s for dinner or where to go…. Better late than never, right? :P )

He paused to think for a bit and then said: “We have babies because God wants to give us the joy of being parents.  As for the baby, hm… the joy of being loved by parents.”

Do you have moments when you look at someone in a new (and brighter) light? I think that moment was then for me.

Often I think we hear about how it’s give, give, give on the part of parents and I we forget a child’s presence is in itself a gift to us too. They give us the gift of innocence, of looking at the world thru new eyes and of new discoveries.  Plus in one swell sweep, that answer also gave me an insight as to why training and proficiency tests aren’t important. All babies need, is love (and also to be kept dry. That is the official answer from my gynae when I asked what I needed for Renee’s arrival.) Besides, I’m quite sure there isn’t an institution that teaches or grades that particular subject.

So there – my heart is at peace cos I’ve found my answer =) What’s yours?